Posted by on May 20, 2017 in Couples Counseling, Divorce Recovery | 0 comments

Turn Up Intimacy By Tuning Into Yourself

Have you ever wondered how to deepen the connection in your relationships?
Intimacy is a word often misused in our culture. Very often it is used to describe sexual activity within a committed relationship. However, intimacy goes far beyond physical connection. True intimacy requires a strong relationship with yourself and an ability to be vulnerable in the presence of your partner, enough so that they may truly “see” you. Intimacy is often broken down into the phrase: “Into me you see.” Allowing someone to see the “true you,” who is often messy, fragmented, and fragile, deepens the complete connection between you. The part that we often miss in this endeavor to connect with another, is that in order to allow someone to see the true you, you need to first have an understanding and connection of who that true you is!
When you are disconnected and disassociated from yourself and your inner workings and emotions, how the heck is someone else supposed to connect with you? So it may seem contradictory, but the best way to deepen a connection with your partner is to first deepen your connection with yourself. The more you are tuned into your inner knowing, intuition, projections and triggers, the more you will be able to share and communicate. And your partner can spend less time sitting in confusion and mystery as he or she is trying to “figure you out.” This creates a sacred space between you that runs very deep and allows for a true, honest, loving connection to occur where you each have room to be your full and complete selves within the present moment that you share together. THIS is true intimacy.
As I discussed last month, the way that you connect with yourself is by “tuning in.” This tuning in is like checking your inner compass, or as I said last month, “recalibrating your inner GPS.” You do this by getting quiet, scanning your body for sensations or feelings, slowing down your breath and resting in the present moment. Observe your thoughts and then allow yourself to go underneath the incessant thought stream of your mind and open up to messages, impressions, or inspirations that come from somewhere beyond your ego. You will know the difference because it will sound simple – in words, symbols, or just a quiet knowing, rather than like run on sentences full of anxiety, over-thinking, and “what ifs.”
Next time you sit down with yourself, see if you can notice the difference. Over time, you will learn to trust that quiet, inner voice, who will eventually get louder and be more present with you more of the time. Strengthening this inner relationship serves to build trust within yourself so that when in relationship with a partner, you will remain connected with yourself and be more clear on what you need to communicate. You will also have more resources within you to tolerate vulnerability. When you take the risk to love yourself and then share that precious self with another who is able to appreciate and honor you, the potential for intimacy and expansion into a very deep connection is completely available. This is the kind of connection we all deserve.
If you find yourself in a relationship where walls are constantly up, defensiveness runs rampant, and communication is virtually non-existent, take some time to tune in and assess what you need from yourself. What would you like from your partner? Can you challenge your relationship to tolerate the true you? Or do you need to give yourself permission to let go for now and take some time to fall in love with yourself first?
Taking a risk to tell the truth can sometimes seem like the most difficult task in the world. I wish it wasn’t this way for us humans, but nevertheless it seems to be one of our greatest challenges. However, the freedom that comes with finally owning and speaking your truth and allowing another to witness you from that space, far outweighs the temporary discomfort that comes with vulnerability, and who knows, you might just discover the most amazing connection yet!
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For more information on this subject, feel free to dive into or re-read some of my past blogs listed below. And share this with whomever you feel may benefit!