Posted by on Mar 20, 2016 in Couples Counseling, Yoga and Meditation | 0 comments

Are you friends with your Self?

When someone asks you who your friends are, do you include your Self? This does not seem to be a common practice in our society and may even elicit a few questioning looks. However, a solid relationship with your Self is incredibly beneficial. Often in my writing you may notice I capitalize words that are not typically capitalized, like the word Self. Self with a capital “S” refers to the higher, deeper, wiser, part of you that is directly connected to your spiritual source and who often is referred to as “the witness,” “the observer,” “higher wisdom,” “True Self,” “authentic Self,” “soul,” etc. Self with a lowercase “s” refers to your personality and/or ego. This is the part of you that has been socialized to act, feel, or express in a certain way and also carries all of the learned beliefs and behaviors you have picked up so far in this life.

Have you ever noticed that one of the reasons you are left off the friends list is because a strong bond does not exist between your self and your Self? Even though both self and Self exist within you, they often do not have a conscious connection. Addictions, numbing behaviors, old erroneous beliefs, and toxic situations or people can block our ability to see the disconnection. These blocks may create a feeling of emptiness or like there is a black hole within you or something is just missing. What you are missing is You! The you with a capital “S.” How might you create or strengthen this bond with the part of you that contains so much love, hope, strength, wisdom, and inner knowing?

Just for fun, pretend you are meeting your Self for the first time. How would you begin to develop a friendship? Ask lots of questions, find out what you like, are interested in, and dream about. Do something fun with your new friend, go play, head to the beach, take a trip to your favorite place, or create a new playlist of music that you like together. Buy food that you like and make a new dish together, maybe even introduce this part of you to friends who haven’t had a chance to meet him or her yet! As you become aware of any blocks you have put up that keep you from connecting with your new friend, look into ways to release, let go, or deconstruct these blocks. This creates a great opportunity for self-care, honest inventories, and letting go of whatever does not serve your Self in this moment.

A wise client recently shared his insights on the power of addiction and gave me permission to share this slightly edited version with all of you (personal pronouns changed from “you” to “I/me”). My hope is that these words may help you as you identify any blocks that are interfering with your ability to befriend and love your Self:

“This analogy came to me in the night:

Addiction often feels like fighting a monster; some fights I win and have a good time and some fights I lose and end up down in the gutter. But when I finally gear up and face this beast, put up a solid fight, and have a chance to pull the monster’s mask off, I find out it was me the entire time. All these years I was my own worst enemy.

Now I have a choice to make. Forgive myself, walk in peace with my new friend and end the fight forever. Or, put the mask back on, and wait for the ‘monster’ to kill me.” 

When you choose to “walk in peace” as your own best friend you are never alone because you are always with your Self! What an awesome gift! Befriend your Self today! It’s free, available immediately, and you don’t even have to pay for shipping! Have fun and explore what kinds of adventures you would like to embark on with your new BFF! If you get stuck or would like more guidance or support with this, feel free to send me an email or give me a call. Use the meditation below for more inspiration or peruse my blog for other insights. I would love to hear about your experiences along the way.



little girl self hugI absolutely LOVE this little girl! She reminds me of the inner child within us that we often times forget about and who we need to scoop up and hold sometimes. Her little self-hug is such a precious representation of a way to be your own best friend. Take hugs into your meditation practice this week. Experiment with what feels good and tune in to times when you really feel like you need one. At least once a day, give yourself a big hug. If you have friends or a partner available, feel free to ask them for a hug! Practice taking at least 1-2 deep breaths while holding the hug and feel yourself relax into it. So often we half-hug, one arm hug, or do it so quickly it doesn’t even register. Take your time, use both arms, and fully give and receive whether alone or with another. Pay attention to what feelings come up for you. This act of Self-love will go a long way to deepening that friendship with You! Have fun with this!!
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